In the beginning of her book “The Inner Work of Age: From Role to Soul”, Connie Zweig discusses the time between midlife and elder as a time of transition, though there is no specific term for it. It is the time immediately following retirement. We can call it elderessence, and hope that it catches on.
Adolescence is the time between childhood and adulthood when most adolescents struggle as they define who they are and will be in adulthood. Similarly, older adults struggle during this elderessence as they define who they will be in their elder years. It is an interesting time because one is neither young nor old but still active, hopefully healthy, and engaged.
This transition is made even more difficult because:
- Loss of identity
- Ageism
Much has been written about both of these issues. However, this transition period need not be crippling if one understands that it is coming. It is a chance to reinvent ourselves rather than denying the inevitable.
Over-identification with our work, as much as it is encouraged in our society, leads to confusion during retirement. A former client told me: “I was an accountant for many years, I don’t want to be just a grandma now.” Another said: “Yesterday I was a lawyer, I don’t know who I am today.” Considering one’s values and who/what matters, may be ways to re-identify who you are, once work is finished.
As an individual, there may not be much we can do about ageism in our society, but there is plenty we can do to correct our inner ageist. Yes, this is unfortunately true. A lot of us have internalized ageism. The inner ageist can lead to negative self-talk (e.g., “I’m too old to learn something new”), a focus on maintaining a youthful appearance, and a belief that aging is inherently negative. Mindfulness training (mostly through meditation) can help us recognize and correct the negative self-talk. Research shows that older individuals with more positive self-perceptions of aging, lived 7.5 years longer than those with less positive self-perceptions of aging. (Levy et.al. Longevity increased by positive self-perceptions of aging, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) Again, considering our values (health vs appearance for instance) can refocus our attention and energy on more positive feelings, happiness, and a longer life.
If you are close to retirement, have you thought about how you would cope with loss of identity and ageism?
Have an excellent week!
